I can't seem to let you go
by Dark Wings Of Imagination
Summary: "Ferrington's unwavering support was refreshing, she doesn't think she had anyone believe and protect her so blindly before, it was exhilarating an it was dangerous, perhaps even more than the serial killer she was there to catch."
1. Chapter 1

One – Shot: I can't seem to let you go

Author: Dark Wings Of Imagination

Genre: Romance

Rating: M

Summary: " _Ferrington's unwavering support was refreshing, she doesn't think she had anyone believe and protect her so blindly before, it was exhilarating an it was dangerous, perhaps even more than the serial killer she was there to catch."_

A\N: this piece was inspired by Sara Bareilles' Gravity. Not beta-ed, mistakes are mine, please forgive me for them – it's 2:00am here.

A/N2: I just edited this piece, trying and correcting as many mistakes as I could find and also tweaked it a bit, and I believe it's better now. Thanks to all of those who have already read.

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London is beautiful, vibrant with life and its ageless enchantment, and even as someone who is used to see the darkest and merciless side of the city – a side most people live blissfully ignorant of – and as someone who had lived there most of her life, Stella Gibson is still able of appreciating the marvelous things the city has to offer – even more so after the hellish case she had just closed in Belfast.

A case she wants nothing more than to put behind her to never visit again. Don't get her wrong, she loves her work, a little too much even, loves it enough for having no need to fill the remnants of her life with someone else, but as passionate about it as she is, she does have a limit.

Of course, as any other human being she has urges that not even a self-sufficient woman like herself can take care of alone; but sex is easy and hardly ever she is unable to get what she wants. Both men and women have a hard time resisting a beautiful, sexy and confident woman and she knows it. She's not shy or embarrassed; she owns her sexuality and takes control of it as she does in every other aspect of her life.

She's not made of stone, as she knows many of her colleagues think she is, but in a male dominant world as hers the need to harden a once upon a time soft personality was mandatory, and honestly after everything she's been through, closing herself off wasn't that hard.

She is a loner and she's alright with it and even if sometimes she yearns for more than just a sweet night, more than a quick fuck, she knows she is not built for it, she can't see herself actually trying and giving her time and energy to someone else. _It would never work_ it's what she tells herself when a bottle of wine or several glasses of scotch just don't seem to do their job.

Nights like these usually end up in swimming the life out of her in the early morning and if that isn't enough a coffee and a sugary pastry from the coffee shop around the corner do the trick – that and peaceful silence of the early hours of the day, the smell and colors of her home town filling her senses and silencing her thoughts as well.

Ever since she came back from Belfast, though, even her beloved London has lost its charm, the wonderful city looks dull and her thought have been only getting louder, harder to tame and she knew whose fault it was.

Police Constable Danielle Ferrington, the young Irish that has been wreaking havoc in the DSI's perfect balanced life.

The young police officer who is way too pure and innocent to be on this job, a precious soul Stella wishes she could protect from this world's inevitable madness, someone she wants to protect from herself and the destruction she leaves in her wake.

She did, she protected Danni from her self-destructive persona by keeping her distance when what she really wanted was get closer, she mentored the girl – wishing nothing more than to make her see and believe in her true potential – and she saw the way the red headed looked at her, demonstrating just how little she knew about Stella, and how much she wanted to get burned by the older woman.

Ferrington's unwavering support was refreshing, she doesn't think she had anyone believe and protect her so blindly before, it was exhilarating an it was dangerous, perhaps even more than the serial killer she was there to catch.

So, she did what she did best: she compartmentalized. Every single person and feelings she took them and put it into tiny boxes and labeled them in her head, making it easier to access and deal with accordingly when it was time.

Danni, however, was not that easy, she was neither friend nor foe, because Stella didn't know her that well, but she wanted to. Good God, how she wanted to, however, as always have been she didn't because that's what she does when it's personal, if she wants – really wants, and not just for one moment – something or someone she does the complete opposite.

She wanted to invite Danni for drinks she invited Reed instead, kissed Reed – to try and save her from a rather insufferable man - and offered her a sweet night, she figured a beautiful, sexy and intelligent woman like the professor would make for a more than pleasant midnight companion – don't get her wrong, though, she respects the other woman and knows she is much more than a bed warmer – more than any of the men she fucked ever were – however she wanted to forget.

She asked Reed when in reality she wanted Ferrington – her hands all over her, her lips, her moans – wanted to press the constable against a wall and fuck her brainless and then, then she wanted to take the young woman's hand in hers and go to her hotel room where she would fuck her hard and desperately once more before finally indulging in her true desires and making love to the red head – worship her body the way she deserves, slowly, tenderly, softly, lovingly – everything one would never think Stella Gibson capable of – touching, caressing, kissing gently all the places she had bitten and sucked previously, soothing the stinging sensations, taming the fire within her lover and increasing her own.

In the end, she had gone back alone into her room and was left to fend for herself, no one but her to take care of her needs – she wanted to forget her and nevertheless, ended up calling Ferrington's name as she came, her wild imagination making her feel as though the younger woman was there with her as if the hands between her legs was hers instead of Stella's, as if the sweet nothings in her ears were Danni's actual words.

The longing for the constable ever growing deep within her, the need to have the other woman onto her, inside her, with her every moment of the day consuming her, making it difficult for her to keep at a safe distance.

She wants Danni, wants her entirely, wants her body, her soul, she wants lazy mornings and stolen kisses – all the things she never wanted before with anyone else. She wants Danni's " _Yes, ma'am"_ – that always makes her knees weak – as Stella begs her for release – _Please, Danni, please._

She wants the young woman's arms around her as she whispers that everything is going to be alright when the world is falling apart around them even if both are not really sure about it but will allow themselves this one moment of believing half-truths.

She wants to know Danni, she knows the type of person she is – a kindred spirit that doesn't know how to deal with the fact she killed a man in order to protect a dozen other lives, even if that's part of her duty; to serve and protect – that's not enough, she wants to know the Irish woman's darkest parts, her secrets, her fears. She wants it all.

She fucks Tom Anderson and like most he was a mistake, but she needed a distraction, her body ached for the other woman's touch and her soul screamed to be close to Danni, but she couldn't and wouldn't give into the feeling, just one more night of physical release before this Hell was over and she could get through it. And she did.

Once it was finished she packed her things up and was ready to leave Belfast and not to put her feet there so soon again, and just as she is about to leave the object of her unfounded affections just has to make an appearance, and how foolish was of Stella to think the other woman was going to simply let her leave without saying goodbye, she wouldn't, and the moment the constable wraps her arms around her something breaks inside her and even if she doesn't respond to the touch it does throws her off balance, as brief as it was.

Her home is comforting, for the first time though it feels too quiet and as she downs a second glass of wine - having just an hour ago come back from work after a day filled with too many paper work and masculine bullshit – phone in hand as she debates whether or not she should call – during her internal battle she remembers sending Danni and Anderson to London, and it makes her wonder if the young woman had ever visited her city for anything other than work, and as the question persists, her mind wanders and projects to her a smiling constable hand in hand with her as they visit her favorite places and learns more about each other.

Her fingers move by their own accord during her mind's momentary lapse and once she realizes it's too late to back away.

After two rings the other woman picks up. " _Ma'am?"_ confusion is clear on her voice and it almost makes Stella hang up, but the detective was never one to back down easily, so despite the voices in her head telling her to stop she foregoes greetings and asks:

" _Have you ever been to London, Danni?"_

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Thank you for reading it. Reviews are very much appreciated. I'm a writer, we live for it. :D


	2. Chapter 2

_Soooo, hey guys, guess what? This one-shot is now a three-shot, meaning we'll have one more chapter after this one - in about one to two weeks. As you can see I was unable to leave this idea alone - actually it didn't leave ME alone, but since I was studying for this big exam, I couldn't write. Anyway, here it is, I hope you all like it._

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 **Chapter 2**

Belfast is home – is comfortable and familiar and even in its darkest parts is adequate, easy in a way only a native would understand when met with the gruesome reality of the world. Danielle Ferrington always held her hometown close to her heart, hence never moving out – doesn't mean she never thought about leaving, she did, just never had enough reason to do so, (until a certain blonde entered her life, that is, but she would rather not go down this road again, except she always goes).

She loves her hometown, really, and what she loves, even more, is that her career choice allows her to protect it and its citizens, a notion that helps her sleep after a long shift – although tiring they always end up leaving her more wired than anything, actually. During the Paul Spector case, though, there weren't many things that could help her rest and as much as she loathes to admit she was afraid – of him, of what he could do to her (even if she knew she wasn't exactly his type, but, hey, you never know what goes inside a psychopath's mind), afraid he might end hurting someone she cared about – scared of the liking he took to her superior (and even more scared of what it meant to be so worried about her).

Thanks to too much coffee and a natural stubbornness, her mother had always complained about, but secretly loved, she not only survived but also closed that case with flying colors earning a well-deserved promotion – one that even if she knew she was more than ready to get, she was also pretty sure it shouldn't have come from such gruesome circumstances.

However, the past is in the past, and after some adaptation – and counseling – she was able to move on and now enjoys her new position in the force as a Detective Sergeant and needless to say she loves it, because if there's one thing Danielle Ferrington loves more than anything in the world is her job – which is probably why none of her relationships last, eventually they get tired of coming second to her work – they tire of having a date interrupted or a two months old reservation blown off at the last minute, but mostly, and that's only an assumption, she thinks they get tired of wondering if she'll ever make it back home (and she'll never forget the night Bonnie, her girlfriend of eighteen months then, asked her if she even cared whether she got out alive or not, Danni's only answer was "to protect and serve, that's my duty". Bonnie made sure she slammed the door on her way out and that was the end of it).

Bonnie was the first of many harsh breakups after she joined the force, still she tried to make it work, she wanted to, wanting and trying, though, was never enough, and she wonders if perhaps she should've tried harder, wanted more but then again, if it wasn't meant to be, there was not a single thing she could do to change that.

So, she went on with her life, after every failed relationship her resolve at finding someone to spend the rest of her life with – and yes, she knows that when it comes to love she can turn into a very naïve teenage girl who watches way too much romantic comedy – was redirected to her work and for a while relationships and all its shenanigans were pushed to the back of her mind, dormant until the Spector case happened – until she came into Danni's life.

Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson, the only woman who was able to make Danni question almost everything she already knew about herself, the one person who she ended up caring more about than her beloved profession.

Stella is the kind of woman who owns the place the second she steps in it, she oozes confidence, beauty, power. The woman is everything Danni admires, everything she wishes she knew how to be, she's become her personal hero and along the way she became much more than her superior, her mentor.

Having feelings for the blonde was less than ideal, the woman doesn't do relationships, and from what it looks like she doesn't consider Danni for a sweet night, either – and it's not because she's a woman, she heard about the detective and professor Reed's impromptu kiss, the wave of jealousy that hit her was not something pretty. The older woman is the first to ever make Danni envy every single person who spends more than five seconds with her.

The ever-growing feelings were the reason why she asked Stella permission to go back to the streets, to this day she wonders whether or not she should be proud of herself for keep breathing while the other woman changed in front of her or if she was a complete fool for not having taken a chance – she decides both feelings are very adequate, just like the day she came out to her superior, she still doesn't know if it was extremely brave or completely foolish, probably both.

Being away didn't lessen her feelings, if anything increased them, making it hard to focus on anything else that wasn't the blonde, she lost the count of how many times she caught herself daydreaming about the superintendent – she wants Stella and not just physically, sexually, of course as every attraction goes she wants that part too, but most of all she wants to be the person who Stella could open up with, she wants to know her inside out, she wants to be the woman's safe haven, the arms that hold and comforts her at night, and in the morning she wants to be the one who tightens her embrace on the petite blonde as she peppers her face with kisses to wake her up, she wants to see her smile – her real smile – see her face light up with happiness, she wants to be the reason for such joy.

She wants days and weeks and months and years spent beside Stella, she doesn't care if it is in London or Belfast or Iceland, she couldn't care less about the place. She wants them and nights spent loving each other instead of getting sleep, she wants raw desperate sex and she also wants slow tender lovemaking, she wants late mornings for work because they couldn't get their hands off each other and she also wants lazy weekend mornings inside the other's arms talking or simply just basking in the moment.

She wants calm and tranquility and she also wants fury and rage, she wants peaceful moments but she also wants the fights – as long as they're fighting they still are trying to make it work. She wants everything she never wanted with any of her exes, however, Stella went back to London and well, Danni can only imagine what – or whom – has been waiting for the blonde. This yearning, these feelings they may take some time to fade – or may never go away – either way, she'll find in herself to move on – she always did.

And with this thought in mind she finally decides to try and get some sleep when cell phone rings and given the late hour she lets an exasperated sign knowing it couldn't be something good, she's shocked, however at seeing that despite her assumptions it was not from precinct, instead the name flashing on her screen is the last one she ever expected seeing:

 _DSI Gibson_

After the initial shock is over adrenaline spikes and finally answers the call, "Ma'am?" confusion is clear on her voice and she's still not sure whether this is real or not still, she stays on the line.

"Have you ever been to London, Danni?", the blonde asks.

As Danni stares at the device in her hands she wonders what the actual fuck is happening? Is Detective Superintendent Stella Gibson actually suggesting what she thinks she is? Could this be the invitation she had wanted, desired, while the blonde was in Belfast that never came? If it is, could it still work, could it still be all that she had fantasized about?

"So?" she hears Stella's impatient tone and it halts any and every thought of hers, deciding not to jump to any conclusions she answers:

"Ma'am, I believe you were the one who sent me and Anderson to London"

"Stella" the blonde corrects her "I'm not your superior anymore, PC Farrington" she can hear the other woman's smirk "and you know what I mean, but if I must, have you ever visited London, properly?"

And from the sound of it, it is indeed what Danni hoped it was and that gives her enough courage to seize the moment, even if a bit still uncertain "Can't say that I have, ma-Stella, and by the way, is DS Ferrington now" she has no idea where the need to mention her promotion came from, but she assumes it was a good choice once the woman answers her.

"Well, since I have to spell it out for you, DS Ferrington, may I ask when you would be available to come meet this beautiful place?" the redhead thinks she senses a bit of something like trepidation, for a moment, but she disregards the thought, Stella Gibson is many things, but insecure is not one of them – not to mention that the emphasis on her new title sounds every bit the flirt Stella is.

Her own insecurities are reassured by the detective's question and she replies, "Things have gone back to normal around here, and, well I do have a few vacation time left unattended"

"When can you fly in?" and even if she doesn't sound eager, her request surely is and it makes the constable's heart skip a beat.

"I believe next week, probably Friday, considering the time for paperwork" she answers fighting the involuntary upturn of her lips.

"I'll book you on the first flight, then," the older woman says with a sense of finality.

"Ma-Stella, there's no need, I can cover it" she tries arguing but to no use.

"Nonsense, I asked you." Stella reasons and adds as an afterthought," Besides, this way I know you won't be able to change your mind" as if!

"I don't think I could even if I wanted to" she really couldn't even if she is beginning to dread this encounter as much as she is anticipating.

"Good. Goodnight, Danni, and congratulations" she can make the satisfaction in the DSI's voice and knows that the woman is aware of how she has Danni wrapped around her little finger – she finds she doesn't really care; it is true, after all. She can also hear the sincerity in Stella's voice when the woman congratulates her and she can't stop the smile from forming on her lips.

"Thank you. Goodnight, Stella" she says before hanging up, comfortable enough, already, at calling her by her name. Too many things are going through her mind, too many feelings and she's not sure what to make of it.

Sleep does not come easily and when it does come it is filled with images of the two of them and what she hopes it will be. What was supposed to be a resting sleep turns out to be quite frustrating, her subconscious conjuring image after image of a naked Stella – underneath her, on top of her, eyes closed in ecstasy as Danni's name tumbles out of her lips, the blonde's smirk as the younger woman begs her for her touch - the dreams causing her to jolt awake, wet and in desperate need for release.

She is already close when her fingers find her clit, her mind creating even more different scenarios with a very naked and desperate Stella while she finishes herself, the petite woman's name rolling off her lips as she comes.

As she lies in her bed, all she can think about is Stella and how it's going to be one hell of a week until she finally sets foot in London.

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Thanks for reading. Leave a comment if you enjoyed, it brightens my life!

Xxxxx

Dark Wings.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I'm sorry it took longer than what I said it would, but life happened. This is the last one. Enjoy.**_

 _ **Dark Wings...**_

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 **Chapter 3**

Danni expected a lot from Stella but to actually be picked up at the airport and be greeted with a kiss on the cheek – something that felt so out of character from the older woman – was not something she was counting on.

"Where do you want to go first?", Stella asks once they both settle in the car.

" _Your bed"_ is what first crosses her mind, however as bold as she is inside her own head, she's not that brave to actually voice it, so she settles for a quiet "Anywhere", her shyness coming around full force in the DSI's presence.

"Well, how about we get something to eat, let's say brunch, and then we go to my house for dessert?" Stella suggests, her words communicating clearly all of her intentions.

"Forget about brunch, then, I want you" Danni answers in a sudden burst of confidence which goes as fast as it comes; and she ends up apologizing at sensing the other woman's shock. "Sorry"

"Don't be, I want you too" the detective replies and reaches for the younger woman's hand to reassure her, "But, after that, I'll introduce you to London"

"Perfect" Danni says a shy smile on her lips as her eyes focus on Stella, the feel of their entwined hands a welcomed sensation.

…

It's everything both of them imagined, yet, somehow something more lingers in the air, probably because after the two of them are fully sated Stella snugs closer to Danni and allows the other woman to hold her; wrapped in each other they drift off into a peaceful slumber. When they wake up it's the middle of the afternoon and both are starving. Stella gets up to shower, pecking Danni on the lips before going in.

"I would invite you, but I don't think we would, actually, shower", the blonde says playfully and it causes the younger woman to pull her closer by the waist and whisper in her ear, "Having trouble resisting my charms, ma'am?"

Stella Gibson does not swoon, but hearing Danni saying this in such a sensual tone turns her on more than she would like to admit – it may be a good thing the constable never showed this side of her before, otherwise they would still be chasing Spector since the DSI wouldn't be able to focus on much aside her lover.

"You say something like that again and I'll end up fucking you 'til morning light" Stella states before capturing the other woman's lips in a hot passionate kiss.

"Sounds good to me" the redhead replies breathlessly after breaking their kiss.

"You'll be the death of me, Ferrington" the older woman moans as the girl decides to assault her neck, leaving goose bumps in her wake.

"Good" the younger woman agrees before pushing the blonde on the bed, her hair sprawled all around her, the after-sex glow still on her skin, she was a vision laid like that, a true goddess in all her naked glory, and the smile she had on her lips just made impossible for Danni to resist.

…

"How long will you be able to stay?" Stella asks once they finally manage to sit down to eat – keeping their hands off each other turned out to be quite the challenge.

"They gave me permission for two weeks" Danni answers and wonders how long the blonde will want her to stay.

"Good" the older woman replies and she feels it might not be enough, considering how much she seems to enjoy the girl's presence, but it will have to do.

"Do you want me to stay for the two weeks?" the former constable asks hesitantly and she's not sure she wants to know the answer – a 'no' would pretty much break her heart, however, a yes might be just as dangerous.

"Yes" short and direct, and true, oh so very true, and more meaningful than most can actually guess.

They both smile brightly at one another and try – and fail miserably – to control the damned fluttering feelings that insist on making an appearance.

…

While they go around London, they walk side by side, close enough to touch if they felt like it but not doing so during the first couple of days - didn't mean they didn't think about it. Danni as the hopeless romantic she was had wanted to reach out to the other woman from the moment they left her house - intertwine their fingers and let people see how lucky she was to be with Stella, however she had no intention of overstepping any personal boundaries the other woman must have – and on a bit selfish note, she also had no intentions of cutting short such an amazing time because of her inappropriate feelings.

Stella was struggling with putting limits between them and the overwhelming feelings Danni stirred within her. She was at a loss of what to do, her feelings that were as foreign for her as her work is for a child – strange, scary but so, so, alluring – screamed at her to stop being a coward and simply join their hands while together, it shouldn't be that hard. Reason, however, talks her out of it every time she let their finger brush, arguing that she could care the woman away by doing so – which, honestly, she knew it couldn't be farther from the truth, but then again, Danni makes her rethink everything.

It takes her a few days but eventually she finds the courage and takes young woman's hand in hers - an action, that may or may not have to do with the fact that a beautiful brunette was certainly about to make an approach at her companion - and the warmth that invades her at seeing Danni smile at their joined hands is worth anything.

…

They walk hand in hand through the city, and Danni takes a million pictures like the tourist she is, she even manages to get a few with Stella, and well, if one of them end up as her lock screen wallpaper, later on, no one needs to know.

Stella is amazing in bed, but that was something she had already guessed, what she hadn't thought about and was quite surprised to find out is that even though the other woman had a reputation for not spending much time with a single lover, she seems to be enjoying Danni, quirks and all.

It turns out that in private both are so different from what each of them thought they would be.

Danni, although still a little bit insecure, is actually quite the tease and flirtatious and despite not being sure what is happening exactly between them, she does seem to welcome it and own it.

Stella is confident as always but as the days progress she finds that Danni is someone she can actually trust and little by little she shows the young woman her softer side. She smiles more, she laughs more, and on a few late nights, she even finds in herself the will to open up about things she never let anyone in before. She feels pretty damn good and she is not sure she wants to let go of it.

...

"May I ask why now? Why not when you were in Belfast?" Danni asks one night after another strenuous sex session, both completely spent and simply glad to bask in each other's presence.

"It didn't feel right, then" Stella answers not sure if she wants to look the girl in the eyes, afraid of what she might find.

"You didn't want to" the redhead states trying to keep the hurt from her voice and failing to do so.

At the young woman's comment, the DSI has no other option than to make eye contact and let her know she couldn't be more wrong, "I wanted too much"

"What?" the DS questions, already lost in those beautiful blue eyes that haunted her many dreams.

Stella leans in and kisses her, slowly, gently, because as objective and articulated as she can be when it comes to feelings and Danni, she is at a loss for words, so she acts and hopes the young woman understands what she is trying to say. And when she breaks the kiss Danni is looking at her like she's the only person in the whole world - and how cliché it is, but true – and she knows the young woman understood her – the better part of it all is to find her feelings mirrored deep inside enchanting brown eyes.

"Do you really want this?" Danni asks, her hands caressing the blonde's face in the most tender touch anyone has ever given her.

"Yes. More than you can imagine" no hesitation, no insecurity, no fear. For once it just feels right. It _is_ right.

Danni leans in and when she kisses Stella it's just as slow as before, but the passion, the fire in it it's noticeable.

Brushing her fingers on the older woman's heated skin, the redhead finds blue eyes glazed with the same intense desire she feels and it is more than enough for her to move on with all she has in mind.

The sounds the DSI lets out are nothing like before – this time she actually allows herself to vocalize everything she's feeling - while Danni lavishes her body with kisses and caresses. Her arms reaching out for the young woman, her hands finding her face and bringing it down to hers, crashing their lips together, her nails leaving their trail on the Irish's back as they kiss until both of their lungs burn for air.

Danni explores her body with her lips, leaving light feathers kisses in her wake, gentle touches that drive her – and the redhead, herself, as she listens to the sounds the English blonde makes – insane, she takes her sweet time before finally going to where Stella wanted and needed her most.

It's not long before the blonde's coming undone in her arms, chanting the girl's name much to Danni's pleasure. The redhead helps her come down from her orgasm before going back to her side and laying down, their lips easily finding each other once more.

Stella, feeling more than sated and just enough rested rolls over to position herself atop of her brown-eyed beauty, capturing her in a slow sensual kiss before showering her with the same attention she just received.

And for the first time in what it feels like forever Stella Gibson makes love, rather than fucking or simply having sex. For Danni is the first time someone showed her as much devotion as she did.

They fall asleep in each other's arms happier than ever, and the notion that this just might be what they always needed, that they as an "us" might be what had always been missing – and as they figure out as they go, they come to the conclusion, years down the road, that they were always meant to be.

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 _I hope you liked it, please leave kudos and/or a comment if you feel like it - it brightens my day! Thank you. See you soon._


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